A good girl with a secret

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6 Responses

  1. WOW! Honesty is a key to a healthy relationship (no pun intended). Because of the treatments available and the precautions that are available, if he really is into HER, like HER ALL THE WAY… He should be tested himself, and take her as she is. My heart goes out to her! Damn! Could be worse. It could be a deadly disease with no treatment.

  2. Justice says:

    Well here is the funny thing. This story is so common I wonder if it’s not damn near every other woman you meet. I know at least 5 or 6 women who have admitted to having Herpes and all of them share similar stories. In the end they all have Herpes. Grate women just caught up some how or another.

    I think she should have told him up front. That is the true test of a mans resolve and worth when looking for a mate. If he is just trying to hit it and quit it he “may” not be willing to take the chance of contracting it just for the opportunity of a sexual encounter. At some point she will have to say something so why not speak up before it all gets deep and feelings get hurt, more.

    Again I want to point out that this is more common then most people would want to admit.

  3. Princess says:

    Ugh! Ladies let this remind us to be “choosy lovers.”

    I don’t know how she should handle this. Perhaps she could join a support group to talk with other herpes infected women in successful relationships to find out how they handle this issue.

  4. nunya says:

    I can understand why she wants to wait. It makes sense. Rejection is a bitch.

    I dont think in the story its saying that she isnt going to be honest. I think its more about the timing of telling the guy about her issue.

    Like Justice said, this disease is quite common. In fact too common. I believe 1 in 4 have oral herpes and 1 in 10 have genital. Many people dont ever have outbreaks or symptoms. Many carry it around and will never know unless checked. In fact, its not a disease that doctors usually screen for when you go for STD testing. (Challenge: go get tested and after ur results come back, request your results for HSV1 and 2. $100 says they will say they didnt test for it lol) Its not a disease you acquire only through unprotected sex. You can be fully strapped up and still catch it. So saying having a choosy lover is a delusion and a very common one. You easily catch this from your mate of a few years who never knew he had it (because its not commonly tested for), who has always been faithful to you. *sidebar: clearly our health system sucks, you should never have to go in and pick a-la-carte what std you want to be tested for.

    But to go back to the story…..I think she should feel the dude out. If he seems the type to take the news in a mature manner, break it to him and see what happens. If theyve been communicating as said in the story, I feel like even if he doesn’t want to take the risk, he probably wouldn’t outcast her either. They would just continue their relationship as friends. Who knows he may change his mind down the line. But to just come out at date #1 and say “hey btw i have herpes” is not a good look.

    My opinion.

  5. LaBellaDani says:

    She should definitely tell him. If he can’t accept it then he’s not the guy for her. I have a friend w/ the same situation and she told her boyfriend and they seem to be happy. A relationship not built on honesty isn’t real…its a lie!

  6. Sweet Tee BS says:

    Very interesting and pertinent blog Tito. The CDC states that 50% of all AA women have herpes. When questioned on The Big Tigger Show (formerly Donnie Simpson) last week, the head of that division states that the percentage has not changed in ten years. This is a persistent and complex issue. Approximately 45% of white women have it. The doc stated that there is some discussion regarding the fact that the difference in the sexual organs makes the women most susceptible. The most interesting point of his call, to me, was the fact that 80% of women don’t know they have herpes because they have yet to have an outbreak. It is detected by a blood test and as nunya states not commonly tested for.

    It appears to me that because Herpes does not kill you it has taken a back burner to AIDS. There is currently no cure for herpes and as the story you present indicates it has serious social implications. I recently asked a bunch of friends if they would date someone with herpes and they all said a resounding no! Then I put it in the context of “what if it was that one?” Now there is a change of heart. I think it is risky to reveal immediately but as the relationship progresses and definitely before intercourse the conversation should take place. Who knows, he may have it also. A lof of people do!

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