Do Home Wreckers Really Exist?

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12 Responses

  1. LJ says:

    Your post suggests that the “other woman” has no responsibility and when addressing the other woman, you’re somehow relieving the guilty spouse of fault. I’m unclear as to why those can be the only ways the situation can be viewed.

    Yes, the “other woman” is not the married party. So, maybe “homewrecker” is not the appropriate word. However, I don’t think it is arguable that the “other woman” has CONTRIBUTED to wrecking a home. The same goes for the guilty married party. I see nothing wrong with feeling betrayed by your guilty spouse and being disgusted with the “other woman.” Basing whether an “other woman” should take fault by calculating what she does/does not “owe” you is ridiculous. Unless it becomes a legal issue, none of us “owe” each other anything. But, many of us are taught to be courteous and respectful to others. I don’t meet someone and decide whether I’ll be courteous or respectful if only I owe them.

    Lastly, I think even mentioning the activity of the innocent wife is treading in unsafe waters. All marriages have great times, good times, and bad times. It is the choice of the spouses to work through them or end the marriage. Adding another individual into the marriage is not a cure and it cannot be excused because “my wife doesn’t have sex with me.” Get a divorce if your marriage isn’t working.

  2. KPalm2 says:

    Wreckers, wreckers, wreckers!!

    I was raised (thank you Mom & Dad) and truly believe that you need to respect the boundaries of a relationship. I would never enter into a relationship KNOWING that the other party is involved in another relationship of any kind. Many “wreckers” say they are in love. Well LOVE IS KIND and potentially breaking up someone’s home is not kind.

    In the same breath, all parties -wrecker, cheater, faithful one- play a part in the destruction of a relationship. So if you really want to fix it, you have to change yourself too.

    One day we will all RESPECT each other. Maybe it will be tomorrow : )

  3. Tirani says:

    Tito,
    Me thinks you were reading my tweets yesterday. 🙂 I very strongly agree with your assertions here. In my opinion the situation is the same regardless of whether the people in the relationship are in a committed relationship or married. The third party is not obligated to honor the sanctity of your union. The two people in it are.

    In response to LJ, the other woman (or man) did not necessarily contribute to the “wrecking” of the home. A person can not walk into a door that is not open. In order for a third party to enter and have significance, there is trouble there. A third party remaining behind the closed door does not ensure that the trouble will be fixed.

    In my opinion, if the third party is able to “take” one party away from another then the desire is there to be taken. Often times these marriages are over at the point of the betrayal. Someone is just waiting for the other to “make a move” or waiting to “get their ducks in a row.”

    I know personally of an instance in which both partners in the marriage have cheated and this information is known by the other. At this point they have chosen to remain married (though one may question the level of commitment and trust). This is their choice and everyone else has to watch them play out the movie of their lives.

    As a friend of mine always quotes his grandmother as saying “grown folks gonna do what grown folks gonna do.”

  4. Tirani says:

    Felt obligated to come back and add I have never been involved with someone who was in a relationship/marriage nor have I cheated on another. I have however, believed that the third party is not responsible for years. Not to say that they are blameless, but they are not the root of your problem nor the cause of your consequences.

  5. LJ says:

    Tirani,

    I have to respectfully disagree. I am in no way stating that the “other woman” is the cause or the only problem. But, you suggest that the other person’s presence does not contribute to a wrecked home. How not? How can adding another person to a situation that may or may not (many side relationships are begun by selfish members of a relationship that simply have poor self-control) be already bad HELP? There is therapy, there are separations where couples reconcile, and other terms couples work out. How can a third party help that? The objective would be (or should be) to salvage as many families as possible. Right? Or are we all satisfied with an “Every Man for Himself” society?

    Why do we keep throwing around the term “owe,” or in your case “obligation?” Why does someone need to be obligated to respect you, your home, or your union with God? Manners, morality, respect for yourself, and respect for others should guide that. You really don’t need more than that.

    Relationships will end. They’ll end harshly. They’ll end amicably. No matter what way they end, no woman who has respect for herself, a high value of self-worth, and has respect for others would feel comfortable knowing that they may have even been a thought in the process of someone’s family ending and another child not being raised in a 2-parent household.

  6. Hunniedip81 says:

    This is a great post, Tito…I honestly think that everyone in a situation like this is a “homewrecker” to some degree: The person who went outside of the marriage, the person that was cheated on must have done something or not done enough to keep the cheater from going outside of the relationship, and the other man/woman…all homewreckers somehow(then again, there is that man/woman who just can’t keep his/her hands off of others even if the spouse is doing everything right).
    I often wonder why you don’t hear the other man called a homewrecker as much as you hear the other woman called a homewrecker…

    K

  7. Darthe says:

    “the person that was cheated on must have done something or not done enough to keep the cheater from going outside of the relationship”

    Must have done something wrong? What kind of low-brow, circular reasoning is that? You can be the most caring, loving, diligent, affectionate person and bad things can still happen to you. Are you among the species who believes that someone who gets hit deserves it? I guess they were asking for it? That’s their punishment? Or in this case instead of keeping to your vows, going to counseling, communicating or as a last resort separating, the spouse deserves to be disrespected in a very traumatic way by being cheated on because he/she “must have done something wrong.” #Nice

  8. Hunniedip81 says:

    @Darthe, you must have missed this part of the comment: then again, there is that man/woman who just can’t keep his/her hands off of others even if the spouse is doing everything right.
    Im not saying that the comment you mentioned is always the case but sometimes it happens….

  9. Sandy says:

    Homewreckers are simply malesfemales that knowingly know that the person they are connecting with is in a relationship. Whether the mate at home has done nothing nor anything has nothing to do with it. I was raised that you simply have nothing to do with a married or committed person. If you are meant to be you will be after they leave their significant other. The word “NO” should be used if you have any values or morals. Relationships are hard enough to stay healthy-we don’t need skanks to contribute to a break up. Its proven-parties don’t leave a relationship unless they have another to run to. In my situation a whore that’s a card dealer fed into my mans weakness of gambling. Addictions are fatal when it comes to infidelity. The person needs professional help-not a whore to enable his weakness. Dirty whores = Homewreckers period. It is what is folks! Some people just cheat, have weaknesses or insecurities and women or men need to be the strong ones and just say NO! The truth is the truth. So in closing if you have had a homewrecking harlot in your life-tell your story on Jacquelyns site “Homewreckers and Harlots.com” the best f’in site ever! God Bless folks! And forever may u burn in hell harlots!

  10. GrayMatta says:

    Yes there is a such thing as a “homewrecker” however I don’t think it’s a person per say. I believe that the “HOMEWRECKER” is the attitude that allows a man/woman to not appreciate his or her spouse. The “homewrecker” is the thought that a man can continue to entertain a woman in a seemingly innocent way that causes him to let his guard down.

    YES the woman is a hussy, harlot, jezebel….and all of that…but she’s not a homewrecker.

  11. kristen says:

    Some women are homewreckers on purpose. They enjoy the thrill of an affair and go after married men. And they know they can control the man once they have the threat of exposing them. …. did this to my husband while pretending to be my baby sitter and befriending my children. Right in my own home. Then she started showing up uninvited and asking to sleep over because she was tired and in the neighborhood. I should have known then. There evil women out there who are narcissistic and think only about themselves. I found out she slept with multiple married men and went after every guy in the office and was cheating on her own husband

  1. January 7, 2011

    […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by KMac, AkaTito, LaShonda Lee and others. LaShonda Lee said: Interesting perspective…Great Read —> Do Home Wreckers Really Exist? http://bit.ly/fzi0RM @AkaTito @JEvetteSpeaks […]

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