Scenario: It’s your birthday but your significant-other and your friends separately made plans for you. You don’t feel comfortable choosing between the friends that you have known for years and a significant-other who could be there forever or could leave next week. So, what do you do?
Friends – Same Gender
Your decision or lack off clearly displays your priorities. If you choose your friends, then you’re not all that serious about your relationship, since you would not want the sig-o to choose friends over you. If you choose the sig-o, then you are possibly alienating your friends. However, if they are really your friends, then you being in a long-lasting partnership would be high on their priority list. If you don’t choose a side and let your friends and sig-o fight for your attention, you may lose both. Although human’s competitive nature will cause us to engaged in this battle or self-respect will not let us continue it. Eventually, the saner side will retreat and you’ll be left with a damaged relationship.
Someone should roll up a newspaper and smack you on the nose while yelling, “No!” Regardless of what your sig-o tells you, no one (including you) is comfortable with the opposite sex around a mate unless they are family. You may tolerate it, but you would prefer if it stopped.
Essentially we are no different than any other mammal. Those of us who watch “Animal Planet” or “The Discovery Channel” know what happens when the opposite gender comes too close to a mate. Chaos. We label it as “insecurity” and we say it as if being insecure is a negative trait. On the contrary, it’s a natural trait from our most animalistic self. It tell us to be cautious, because possible competition is lurking. If you choose a friend of the opposite gender over your sig-o, you have just killed that relationship.
The term “passive-aggressive” was introduced in a 1945 U.S. War Department technical bulletin, describing soldiers who weren’t openly insubordinate but shirked duty through procrastination, willful incompetence, and so on.
In a relationship your uncertainty manifests itself as passive-aggressive behavior. Lying, cheating, staying out all night, starting arguments, nagging, neglecting, and indifference all say, “I’m not sure if I want to be with you but I don’t know if I want you to go either.”
It is like the people who are afraid to swim but want to be in the pool. They just stick their legs in the water or if they’re somewhat brave they’ll get in but tightly hold on to the edge of the pool. Some of those people never let go and never learn to swim because of fear.
Have you been killing your relationships?